I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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