I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
