I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
