Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
