And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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