So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
