My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
