She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
