Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
