I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
