He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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