So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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