I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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