hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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