I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
