I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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