She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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