I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
