Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
