I accidentally had phone sex last night
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
