And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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