Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
