just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
