I just gift wrapped bread.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
