you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
