i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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