thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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