She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
