we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
