I don't think brook has ever known best
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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