I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
