I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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