One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize