I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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