how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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