it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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