Someone shit on the floor
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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