I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
