Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
