i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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