I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
