Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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