Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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