dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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