She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize