airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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