margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
