We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
