im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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