She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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