youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
