im drinking this country out of the recession.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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