if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Green mimosas i think yes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
