I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
