Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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