just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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