fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
