So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
