We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize