Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
