i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
