i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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