you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
