I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
