wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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