What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
