Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
