i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
