I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
